Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
