Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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