Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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