nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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