Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
