ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
