Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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