I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it's like heaven, but drunker
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
