why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it's like iHOP with fire
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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