i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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