Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
