I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
