well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
