I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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