oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
