hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
