Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
