Christians are straight up FREAKS
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
