one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
