just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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