I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
