yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
