he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
