She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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