I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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