Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
