Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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