I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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