Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
