Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
