i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
