I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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