jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
