Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
