By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
