he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
