i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
