well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
