then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
