So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
