i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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