Please, let me fuck your mom
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
