So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
