It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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