Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
