so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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