South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
