Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
