I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
