I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
