I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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