Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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