The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
