I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
