It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
