There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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