I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
